How to make friends as adults

Psychs & The City Episode #211 - How to make friends as adults


In this weeks episode, we discuss making friends adults

In this week's episode, Dr. Jeff Ditzell talks with Taylor James about how to go about making friends as adults.

In our season finale of season 1 on our episode of growing pains we discuss what to do when you outgrow your friends, and in this episode we discuss what to do when you want to make new friends as adults.

What to do, strategies, and how to keep people from taking advantage and "taking over the kingdom" are all included in this weeks episode.

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Some of the highlights from this week's episode:

What is a good basis to friendship?

Trust. If you don’t trust the other person, you’re not friends. You might call them a friend, but you have to have trust. You have to believe in them and then give them the opportunity to earn your trust if you believe in them. And then through that process of earning your trust you form the basis of your friendship and you take that bit seriously even though you can have fun and zaniness and enjoy yourself. It’s got to be based on the fact that you trust the other human being. You trust them around your loved ones. You trust them with your Escalade.

You want to select carefully the character of your friends; the people who are around you. Or just the people around you in general. Be selective. Don’t settle. I would say I have probably five friends, total. People I could count on. If I could call them up now and say, “Hey, I need …”

There’s anti to pay to get in the game but if you do, I think, and you select carefully you can have a really meaningful and powerful relationships.

When it comes to friends, should you look for quality over quantity?


I think that’s a good way to go as it comes to friendships because you’re heavily influenced by the people you allow contact with you, especially in your inner circle. And then if you have people you treasure, like your family, I think you got to be very selective who you let in the door. I’m constantly aware of that because my tendency is to be generous. My tendency is to include people. And I think that’s the correct tendency to have but you also have to be selective, too. You can’t just simply let anyone in the door because they’ll rob the kingdom. 

How do you actually make friends as adults?

What’s the difference between childhood friendships and adult? Proximity. 

That’s one of the things that makes it difficult for adults to make new friends and one of the key ingredients if you realize, “Well, I’d like to make some new friends,” you actually have to go be around other human beings and you have to do it with consistency. And through that you can develop a relationship.

If you bump into someone enough times at some point you get talking to them, you develop some form of communication relationship. If you understand that, then when it comes time to actually … Okay, well how do you actually make friends as an adult? We’re busy. We don’t have unlimited time and all that. Pick an activity that you enjoy doing where you’re going to be happy doing it like kickball or something. 

Find an activity that you enjoy so that you’re taking care of yourself and doing whatever you’re doing with an air of happiness or enjoyment and then be in proximity of other human beings who like that as well. And there you’ve got built in a shared interest. And you’re going to go do that thing anyway because you enjoy doing it and you’ll be sort of radiant in a way and you’re doing something that’s fun for you and, however you want to say it, vibrating on the same frequency or whatever. But you’re basically taking care of yourself and when we’re taking care of ourselves and doing things that we enjoy we tend to draw people to us. So, you don’t have to go scouring the earth, jumping out of bushes like, “Be my friend!” 

Psychs & The City Podcast


Psychs & The City is a modern day mental health podcast, covering the latest mental health topics.

Your host, Dr. Jeff Ditzell,  records the show every week and publish the show on Thursday mornings. You can download the shows and listen to them whenever you want – in your office, on your commute, where and whenever is convenient for you. Each show is about 20 minutes long and is filled with the kinds of mental health tips and tricks that you can only get from casual conversations with your favorite psychiatrist & mental health enthusiasts!


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Thanks for listening. Dr. Jeff Ditzell & Taylor James

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